


Jokes Come Back To Bite You

by theianitor



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Bad Jokes, Drinking, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, M/M, Puns & Word Play, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-25 14:59:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12534364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/pseuds/theianitor
Summary: Jenson goes to Mark’s Halloween party. Costumes and drinks, games and people - and the party’s “Count Dracula” gives almost as good as he gets when it comes to Jenson and his stupid word-jokes.





	Jokes Come Back To Bite You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! :) Halloween-fic-time! :) I love a game of dress-up and because it was becoming that time of the year again I re-watched a bunch of movies and... this came out of it. XD I hope you enjoy!

“It’s _Halloween_ , you have to come!”

Sebastian sighed. Work was fine. Workmates were fine. Workmates asking you to come to parties when all your good excuses were already used up? Not fine.

“I have a huge project to...” he tried.

“I’m your project manager. I’m giving you the night off,” Nico interrupted. “As long as you come to the party.” His glee was almost unbearable.

“And you can use the same costume as last year, it was perfect.”

“Perfect?” Sebastian asked. “Why was it perfect?”

“Because it was tacky and retro, people expect that from Germans.” Nico was obviously very pleased with his own joke.

“You’re German!”

“Half, and I’m your boss. Come to the party.”

He hung up, leaving Sebastian to grumble a couple of good comebacks to his silent phone. Resigned, he went to his closet and found the cape at the very back. Telling himself it was just one night, he pulled it out and decided to at least iron it. If he had to play dress-up, he would do so while looking as neat and tidy as possible.

 

\--

 

Jenson looked at himself in the mirror. He was very pleased with this Van Helsing-costume; he’d taken some liberties but he thought he’d still be very much recognizable. The vest fit perfectly, as did the leather coat. He had found a bracelet with religious charms on it and added them to the chain of his pocket watch, the glints of silver breaking off nicely from the black. His sister had helped make a bandolier for four stakes, and it had come out even better than he had dared hope. He looked like a proper vampire-hunter.

He kept practicing twirling his home-made stakes as he walked to Mark’s. A few trick-or-treaters greeted him; little demons, ghosts, and devils playing at being frightened. He laughed. It was going to be a good night.

Mark had decorated his porch with fake cobwebs and skulls, and carved pumpkins with candles burning inside stood guard on either side of the steps. Jenson could hear music and laughter from inside, and when he rang the doorbell he had to wait a while before Mark appeared.

“G’day,” Mark said, exaggerating his accent and leaning casually against the doorframe. He was wearing a greenish-brown vest and no shirt underneath, a necklace with what looked like shark teeth dangling from it, and a black hat with more teeth sewn into the band. Jenson burst out laughing.

“Where’s your knife?” he asked. Mark rolled his eyes.

“Real original mate, you’re a regular comedian.”

“Oh come on, if you’re dressed like Crocodile Dundee... you brought that on yourself.”

Mark let him in and gave him a beer out of a cooler next to the door. There were more fake cobwebs on the stairs and hanging from the lamps. The door to the kitchen had a garland of glittery bats, and Jenson swatted at them with a grin as they entered.

“Be careful with my bats!” Nico called from the table.

Mark took his seat and picked up his cards again. They were playing a drinking game; everyone had cards on hand and a lurid green liquid in a shot glass in front of them.

“Will deal you in next round,” Fernando said, waving Jenson closer to look at his hand, and giving him a brief hug. His dark hair was even darker as it was gelled back in carefully set waves, and he was wearing a bright red tailcoat with shiny golden buttons. Gold thread glinted along the edges of it.

“A ringmaster?” Jenson guessed. Fernando nodded, and put a card down.

“And you’re Tinkerbell then?” he said with a grin, pointing at Nico, who stuck his bottom lip out.

“I’m Robin Hood,” he said, indicating his hat with a long feather in it. In Jenson’s defense, the green tunic-and-tights-combo wouldn’t need much embellishment to work as a Tinkerbell costume. The bow was a clue, of course, but he liked teasing Nico.

“What are you supposed to be?” he asked Kimi, who looked like he was wearing a white onesie. Kimi put a card down before even looking at him. Without a word he got up, picked up a white motorcycle helmet with a black visor from the counter behind him, and put it on. He turned back to Jenson and crossed his arms across his chest. Jenson saw that he wasn’t wearing a onesie; it was a racing overall.

“... you’re The Stig?”

The helmeted figure didn’t move.

“Alright, yeah that’s very fitting. Now take that off, it’s really creepy,” Jenson laughed. Kimi took the helmet off and was laughing too as he sat back down.

 

Jenson did the rounds, saying hi to a few people he knew from work and talking at some length with Jessica from HR. She had on a tiger-striped catsuit which left very little to the imagination, and was wearing face paint that continued the tiger-stripes all the way into her hair. She was intrigued by his Van Helsing and inspected the charms on the chain closely. When she went outside with a blonde girl whose name Jenson had temporarily forgotten, he went back to the kitchen again, grabbing another beer out of the cooler.

A few more people had arrived and the card game was still going on. Felipe, his hair in a well-combed ducktail and wearing a leather jacket that read “T-Birds” on the back, put his cards down with a snap.

“I win!” he laughed. “Okay, okay, you and you, drink! Drink!” He pointed at a pirate at the far end of the table, and at Fernando, who downed his drink in one go and grimaced.

“I am out. Jenson?” He got up and offered his seat to Jenson, who sat down and was dealt in.

“You sure you don’t wanna play, Seb?” Mark asked.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Jenson looked up from his cards and spotted another newcomer, sitting on the counter next to Kimi’s helmet. He looked young and was wearing makeup that made him look almost porcelain, pale and smooth. His clothes were fancy, properly pressed pants and a nice pinstriped vest. A tall, stiff collar stood up around his neck and Jenson realized he was wearing a black cape, lined with blood red fabric.

“Of course he doesn’t want to play,” Jenson said, pulling one of the stakes from his bandolier and pointing it at the young man on the counter. “The _stakes_ are too high.”

While the laughing and groaning from the table was completely expected, the guy Mark had called ’Seb’ reacted quite differently. His eyes zeroed in on the stake instantly and his pupils got visibly bigger. He opened his mouth wide, revealing the completely unsurprising vampire fangs... and then he hissed. A sharp, hostile hiss. Most of the people seemed to miss it completely. Jenson did not.

“Alright, calm down,” he said, putting the stake back. “It’s not sharp.”

The young man said nothing, but his expression softened and he shook his head a little, like he was almost surprised at what he’d done.

 

\--

 

The card game went on and soon enough Jenson had lost enough times that it seemed like a good idea to stop playing and go talk to the little vampire.

“Hey, hi. I’m Jenson,” he said, holding out his hand.

“Sebastian,” Seb replied, shaking his hand a little harder than absolutely necessary.

“I’m sorry about... earlier,” Jenson said, feeling a bit silly. He hadn’t meant to frighten or threaten – he had only been playing. But the young man’s reaction had seemed so exaggerated, even if he was playing at being a vampire, and Jenson wanted to make sure he hadn’t been offended.

“That’s okay,” Sebastian said, smiling and showing those fangs again. They looked really good, Jenson thought. Not the cheap, plastic, low-quality masquerade kind but something much pricier. He was quietly impressed; even dressing up as something as stereotypical as a vampire, this guy had put some time and money into it. Up close he could see that Sebastian was older than he’d first thought, too; older, and cuter.

“So, you’re not into... getting staked?” Jenson said, taking a stake out and twirling it in one hand.

Sebastian grinned and ran a finger over the bandolier. Jenson dropped the stake and cursed inwardly. Not impressive.

“I like a good stake,” Seb said, picking up the dropped item and handing it back to him. “But I wonder about a guy who brings so many. Are you compensating for something?”

Jenson felt like the rug had been pulled out from under him, but only for a second. Some little goth kid wasn’t going to get one up on him, cute or not. When Sebastian turned to leave, confident that he’d won that one, Jenson gave him a little tap on the rear. Seb turned around and looked at him in disbelief.

“Sorry,” Jenson said, no hint of apology in his voice, “I was just checking for the tail.”

“Tail?”

“Well with your fur all ruffled, the hissing, and being very cute and all that...” he winked at him, and was pleased that even with the makeup he could see the color rising in the younger man’s cheeks. “You mean you haven’t come as a kitten?”

He had to stop himself from laughing as he walked away and heard Seb indignantly splutter behind him.

“Kitten?!”

 

\--

 

Jenson plied Nico with a drink or two to get the details. Sebastian was a friend of his from work – Sebastian actually worked under him – and Nico had given him a long weekend in exchange for coming to the Halloween party. They had been working together since Sebastian had transferred from the Berlin office.

“He was Dracula last year too, but that’s alright, you know, he doesn’t go out much and there are so many new people anyway...” From the way he said it Jenson got the feeling Nico would never have worn the same costume two Halloweens in a row.

“He’s funny, I like him,” Nico said and snickered because Sebastian, talking to an obviously very drunk pirate, wandered past them just as he said it. Jenson kind of liked Sebastian too; if nothing else because he looked very cute with that redness in his cheeks. More of that, Jenson decided.

“Yeah I’m not much of a fang-banger normally, but for him I’d definitely make an exception,” he said, raising his voice. Sebastian spun around, cape flying out dramatically behind him, and eyed him up and down. When he saw Jenson smiling at him he rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Have you dropped one of your little sticks again?” he asked before turning and walking away. Nico laughed. Jenson narrowed his eyes, looking after the caped figure. Alright, game on.

 

\--

 

When Jenson next saw Seb, the vampire was busy talking to Kimi. He simply couldn’t resist.

“Be careful before you take a nibble out of the Iceman,” Jenson quipped, winking at Sebastian. “You don’t want to get frostbite.”

Kimi laughed and Seb looked like he wanted to kick him.

 

\--

 

Jenson flitted around for a little bit, ending up talking to the girls again for a while before he ventured back into the kitchen. The drinking game had been abandoned but people were still sitting around the table, talking and laughing. Felipe was mixing drinks for himself and Nico, and explaining that a cashier had looked at him very strangely when he had entered the shop in full Grease-costume earlier in the evening to buy a pack of chocolate cigarettes.

“Cannot have the real one, you know,” he made a disgusted face, “think about having that here, all night!” He pointed to the chocolate cigarette at the corner of his mouth. “Looks very cool, no? Like the movie.” He flicked the little curl that hung down in front of his forehead.

“Also, is good. I like chocolate. Is my favorite fruit.”

The others laughed, and Nico toasted with Felipe and smacked his lips approvingly at the drink.

“What’s your favorite fruit then, Count Sebula?” Jenson asked, grinning at Sebastian. “Do you prefer blood oranges... or maybe neck-... tarines?” He bared his neck to him. Felipe dropped his cigarette from laughing, while Mark and Sebastian did an impressive bit of coordinated eye-rolling. Jenson laughed.

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll stop. Tomorrow. Promise.”

“It’s the best thing about being awake at night, usually,” Sebastian said thoughtfully, “most people are at home, sleeping, so they are not out and being annoying.” He glared at him for a few seconds but then cracked a smile and snickered. This guy was intriguing, Jenson thought.

Mark was pouring himself a bit of the green, minty liquor and Sebastian held out his glass to get some too.

“You’ll love that stuff, it’s absolutely fangtastic,” Jenson joked. Mark started laughing and spilled some of the drink on Sebastian’s hand.

“Whoops!”

“Let me get you a...” Jenson started, reaching for the paper towels.

“No problem,” Sebastian smiled at him, his fangs very visible, “I will do what I do best and _suck_...” he licked the liquor off his hand and sucked one of his fingers into his mouth, making slurping noises as he slowly pulled it out. Jenson stared, speechless, as Seb winked cheekily at him. Mark chuckled.

“What’s wrong Jense? Bat got your tongue?”

 

\--

 

Jenson knew he should have left it at that, but he couldn’t. Good banter with a cute guy was so hard to find. Every chance he could get, every time he happened upon the little Dracula, he did his best to get a barb in. Every time Sebastian would roll his eyes and scoff, sometimes giving him a joking response, and Jenson realized he was debating whether to get this guy’s number from Nico or ask for it directly. One more joke, he thought, walking back towards the living room where Halloween-themed music was playing. Depending on the response, he’d decide what to do.

“Take it slow,” Jenson said, happening upon Sebastian in the doorway. Dracula was just draining the last of his drink. “You don’t want to drink too fast and start _coffin_.”

He didn’t catch Sebastian’s comeback but it sounded like it ended with “put you in a coffin”.

 

He headed for the kitchen, feeling pretty good.

Still snickering to himself he took a beer out of the fridge and jumped when he closed the door, finding Sebastian standing right behind it.

“Did I scare you?” he said, looking much too hopeful. Jenson found his footing and smiled as he opened the bottle.

“You _surprised_ me, I wasn’t scared. I’m not afraid of kittens.”

Sebastian took the bottle and took a sip before giving it back, still smiling. Jenson took a mouthful, keeping an eye on him.

“How do you drink with those things in there?” Jenson asked, indicating the fangs. “Do they fold down or something?”

“No but I know how to handle them.”

“Sounds like _bloody_ hard work,” Jenson joked.

Seb licked his lips and blinked once, slowly. He looked a little odd, Jenson thought to himself. Something was going on. Sebastian moved a little closer and ran his finger across the bandolier again. “Do you want to see how good I can handle them?”

Jenson blamed the unexpected forwardness and the drinks he’d already had for his lack of a clever response. He nodded. Sebastian glanced towards the stairs and his smile got bigger, the points of his fangs drawing Jenson’s eye.

 

Seb led the way up the stairs and into a bedroom, Jenson figured it was Mark’s, closing the door behind them and rounding on Jenson with a predatory look in his eyes.

“Sit,” he said, and when Jenson was apparently too slow to react he gave him a little push to sit down on the bed. He straddled Jenson’s hips and put his arms around his neck, giving him a self-confident smirk before diving down to kiss him.

He really could handle the fangs well. Jenson had been afraid he’d get pricked by one, or they’d come off, but they didn’t seem to hinder Sebastian whatsoever. He kissed greedily, pushing to deepen the kiss almost instantly and then almost licking at his mouth. Jenson hadn’t been entirely sure that Seb had been interested, but the way he was kissing and how his hips were moving now it was definitely _interest_.

Jenson did his best to keep up and slid his hands down Seb’s back to pull him even closer. Sebastian stopped kissing and looked at him, his eyes unnaturally dark. He grinned.

“Do you want more?”

“I want all of it, kitten,” Jenson smirked. Mark would hate him for messing up his bed, but wasn’t everything fair in love and war?

 

With a low chuckle Sebastian lowered his head again, but rather than going in for a kiss he went for Jenson’s neck, sucking and nipping at him.

“Just don’t try to make a meal of me,” Jenson snickered, trying to work the buttons on Sebastian’s vest open. He moaned at a particularly enthusiastic nip. “Doesn’t matter really, all my blood is somewhere else at the moment...” He settled for trying to pull Seb’s shirt up so he could get at some skin.

The next nip was much sharper and he winced. Sebastian was sucking a hickey into his skin and he supposed it would ironically work pretty well with his costume.

“Ow, hey,” he said, tightening his grip on Sebastian a little. “Not so hard.” The sharpness of teeth went away but it felt like Seb was making out with his neck, a warm tongue pushing against his skin before the lips started moving. The pressure got harder until it was almost painful again, too much suction. He was going to look like he’d been mauled by a wild animal in the morning if this was Seb’s way of doing things!

“Ow, okay, I get it, you’re a vampire,” he said, giving Sebastian a nudge. He moved back a little in Jenson’s lap but his mouth was still on his neck. Seb’s hand sneaked down between them, which felt very nice, until that harsh bite was back again. “Okay, please, don’t bite so...”

Sebastian’s head flew back from his neck with a hiss like the one he’d heard in the kitchen. In a frozen second of dread Jenson stared at Seb’s black eyes, his wide-open mouth, and a horrible, dark red smudge on his chin, standing out against his snow white skin. Blood. Jenson’s blood. Seb’s mouth snapped shut.

“Sheiße,” he said with his voice still carrying a bit of a hiss. His eyebrows came back down and he looked worried.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He clumsily patted where he had been sucking, like he was trying to soothe the skin. “I just got so excited and...”

Jenson didn’t hear him. Running purely on instinct he started to push Sebastian away, trying to get him off of him.

“No, wait, I can fix it, I’m sorry!” Sebastian said, his grip on Jenson’s arms tightening. He was surprisingly strong, holding him in place. “Stop moving you idiot, let me fix it!”

“No!” Jenson said, struggling. Seb was holding on however, his fingers digging in and his knees squeezing at Jenson’s thighs, holding him more or less still. With a sigh, like it was an inconvenience rather than a fight for dear life, Sebastian released his arms only to pull the leather coat down over his shoulders, trapping him with his arms stuck behind his back.

“You won’t remember any of this tomorrow,” Seb said. He stroked Jenson’s cheek with a sad little smile. “But you’re very good-looking and I would have loved to...” it didn’t seem like he could find the words for what he would have loved to do, and he nodded thoughtfully to himself. Jenson couldn’t stop looking at his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jenson.”

He swooped down again, his mouth warm and wet at Jenson’s neck and Jenson didn’t think a single thing as he listened to Seb sucking and swallowing. Seb’s cape hung down over Jenson’s legs and in a weird way it felt like they were under a blanket together. He made a single noise of laughter at the thought. His head felt like it was filling up with thick smoke. It was kind of nice. Everything went black.

 

\--

 

“Jense? What the ever-loving f... Jense!”

Someone was pushing at him, saying rude things. Not very nice at all. Jenson turned over with a grunt. His eyes wouldn’t open. He was tired, very tired... and very drunk.

“Go sleep in the guestroom Jense,” the voice demanded with another push. He wanted to tell it to stop that, but his tongue felt thick and he was so, so tired.

“Come on, you’ve no idea how much I need the bed, mate...” the voice groaned. The pushing continued for a little bit before the voice sighed heavily.

“He’s out cold. Let’s... let’s share the bed in the guestroom.”

It got quiet again.

 

\--

 

A week later Jenson was lazily watching the evening news. There had been many jokes made about his inability to handle alcohol, so he had vowed to not go out that weekend. It was kind of nice, actually. He blamed the season, the age of the building and the drafty floors for the woolly socks and knitted sweater; in truth, it felt really good to cozy down a little. He thought about finding a movie or something to watch.

Deciding on a cup of tea he went into the kitchen. Just like every day that week, he glanced at himself in the hallway mirror, taking in the fading hickey on his neck. He remembered it as being part of some game they had played, probably around the same time he got so blindingly drunk he couldn’t remember the end of the party, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember who had done it.

Mark had commented on his bantering with Sebastian, but Jenson dismissed it. He clearly remembered them bantering, yes, but they had parted on good terms, shaking hands as Seb left. Sometime before the game. Sometime before the hickey. Sometime before he had collapsed on Mark’s bed and slept until mid-afternoon the day after. He remembered thinking Sebastian was very cute and clever, but they definitely hadn’t been close enough for kissing. Or making hickeys. Or steamy grinding on Mark’s bed...

He took a deep breath and steadied himself. That kept happening. It was like he was still partially hung over. Shaking his head he turned the kettle on.

 

Someone knocked on the door and he checked the time. Who would be coming over at this hour? Figuring it was important, he didn’t check before opening the door.

It was Sebastian.

“Eh... hello,” he said, glancing up at Jenson before shyly looking at the floor. He looked much smaller without the cape with the big collar, and it was jarring to see him in modern, normal clothes.

“Hi?”

“I... eh...” Sebastian shoved his arm forward, revealing a little bouquet of flowers he’d been hiding behind his back. The cellophane made crisping-noises as he kept squeezing it in his hand. He looked around. “I... can I come in?”

“Sure, yeah, of course,” Jenson said, letting him in. Sebastian stepped inside and then stopped, still holding the flowers awkwardly. They already looked a little wilted and Jenson wondered how long he’d been holding on to them.

“I bought you flowers,” Seb said unnecessarily, holding them out for him to take.

“Thanks?”

“I came to... eh... I came to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Jenson was confused. If anything he felt like _he_ should apologize for some of the comments he had made. “I don’t think you have...”

“I think you look very nice,” Sebastian blurted out, interrupting Jenson and effectively leaving him at a loss for words. “And I’m sorry but you kept talking and talking about... things... and I thought I could handle it but you smell so nice and when you said you wanted all of it I wanted to shut you up and... and... I’m sorry.” Seb was talking fast and seemed kind of distressed. “So... yeah. I really like you, honestly, I didn’t mean to... you know.”

“You know...” Jenson was still a little confused. “You know what?”

Sebastian mumbled something, not looking at him. His lips barely moved, not a single word was audible.

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry I bit you,” Sebastian said, a lot louder. He put his hand on Jenson’s arm, and it was like he was wafting the hangover-fog away. Suddenly he remembered them going to the bedroom, Seb sitting on his lap, Seb and him kissing... and Seb had really sharp teeth.

“Kitten,” Jenson said in surprise, blinking a few times and then looking down at Seb. “You really are a...”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What? Vampire?”

“Kitten,” Seb huffed. Jenson smiled crookedly at him.

“Well you’re all ruffled, a little sharp, and very cute...”

A click sounded from the kitchen.

“I was going to have a cup of tea and watch a movie, care to join me?”

Sebastian looked like this definitely wasn’t what he’d been expecting, and it took him a second to catch up.

“You’re serious?”

“Of course. You’re funny and good-looking, I wasn’t joking.”

“Yeah but... I’m...”

“You haven’t tried to eat me yet. And I still have those stakes you know,” Jenson said, giving him a little poke in the chest.

“The ones that you kept dropping on the floor? I’m not very scared,” Seb said with a cheeky grin.

“And I told you, I’m not scared of kittens,” Jenson winked back at him.

 

They talked over cups of tea, and halfway through the movie Jenson dared put his arm around Sebastian. Before the movie ended, Seb had disproven his supposedly nocturnal nature by falling asleep against Jenson’s shoulder. He woke him up for the credits and made a joke about Seb not sleeping hanging upside down or in a coffin. Seb countered that those stakes would probably work just as well on Jenson. He smiled though, and without the rest of the vampire-getup his fangs seemed much less prominent.

When Seb was about to leave, he kissed Jenson on the cheek.

“I had a very nice time tonight.”

“So did I. We should do it again some time.” Jenson said with a smile. They had traded numbers and already decided to see each other the following weekend. When he had his hand on the door, Sebastian turned around to look at him.

“You are taking the... vampire-thing surprisingly well,” he said. Jenson thought about it for a second; he had been completely comfortable all night, and Sebastian was still a cute guy who provided really good banter. The kisses felt right. And he’d already been bitten once and lived... he hadn’t even turned in to a bat! He shrugged.

“As first dates go, I’ve had worse.”

 

\- The End -

**Author's Note:**

> All in good fun, as per usual. :)  
> Thanks for the read! Kudos and comments are much loved! <3


End file.
